lakes and loneliness (and that’s okay!)

Recently, I went on a camping trip with my family on Lake Whitney near Waco, TX. I say camping, but we really just stayed in an adorable little cabin near the lake. ANYWAY, this happened to be one of the first trips I had taken with just my family, no bringing friends or a significant other, and I’m not going to lie, I was hesitant. Of course, I spent time with my family and my younger brothers, but I can only ride bikes and discuss my future with them so much, not that I didn’t enjoy the much needed catching up and quality time. But, between the swimming, tanning, and heavy- breathing hiking, I had a few moments to myself, right when the sun was setting perfectly on the lake.

Now, I’m not sure if you have read my bio (if not, it’s very great and sarcastic), but being alone is not something I have really experienced. And when I say being alone, I mean doing things alone, daily activities, experiencing new things; I’ve always given myself alone time, but lately, it’s been a new extreme. Sometimes it does get overwhelming to just listen to my own thoughts all day, my friends are busy, and I’m recently single (; jokes aside, life has taken an unexpected turn for me, leaving me to basically live on my own terms. For a few weeks, the new schedule I was following had me kind of down, just doing everything all by myself most of the time, it was a struggle. But, as I slipped away from the s’more making process at sunset on the lake, a lot of things came to term for me.

As I was clumsily walking down the steep hill to the shore’s edge, the carcinogens in the sky really created the most clarifying view. I was alone. Just my camera, and while I would have loved to have one of my best friends by my side to gossip, or maybe a lover to watch the sunlight fade away on their face, I didn’t have that. I had my family up the hill, roastin s’mores, and I had myself. And I was so inspired. To do many things, but mostly, just to be so happy with myself. I always depended on many friends and family to make me feel okay, and these past couple of months, I have broken out of that routine. As I watched the sun reflect on the water, oranges and reds, and purples, all smearing like paint in the sky, I thought “I am okay”.

IMG_9735So, in retrospect, if you feel alone, are alone, do everything alone, like me, it’s hard. I know it is. But, sometimes, you just gotta be.

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